His Smile.

Lately I have been feeling like that new mom who wants to shout about every little thing their child does! Because my youngest son, three years old, has been working so very hard this last year and has over come so many obstacles. So, for those of you who might pass him in public or see him at a social event might think his smiles and conversations and spontaneous hugs are no big deal, because they are age appropriate.

But I want to shout for joy because it is so different from where he was, because I was once so scared about his future. 

The other night I was near tears when he ran up to me with his arms wide open and said in his best deep voice, "Give me a hug!"

Not only is his language improving but more importantly his whole communication is growing. He seeks me out. He shows me his favorite toy. He sings the ABC's and he smiles. 

Oh how I love his smile.

Every time my son does the opposite of what he once knew I want to praise the Lord for His blessings. And to be honest, I am thankful we aren't there, in that dreaded place, anymore. There is relief in my exhale.

Adoption Celebration & Circus Party!

What a weekend it has been! On Friday we had our adoption finalization hearing. What a fun day! We celebrated with family and had cupcakes and apple cider and took a ton of pictures. We took a wonderful family photo with the judge. 

I have spent the last four and half years going in that court room and spent most of those years imagining our adoption ceremony in there. But when I walked in and set up with the kids in the front, sitting at the table, all I could think about was the fact that their birth parents sat in those very same chairs years ago when I sat in the back. I recounted a handful of hard court hearings and all of the waiting and ups and downs in the case. At times, I doubted we would ever get to this day. 

It worked out that my husband was off that day, as were the kids. So we woke up and everyone crawled into our bed and we took our time starting the day. We sang "Happy Adoption Day to you!"

As we made our way downstairs I began picking outfits to wear and getting everything together. 

Along with the pictures and cupcakes to celebrate I brought to the court house, two books. One for each child being adopted. We did this with my other son a few years ago at his adoption. We bought children's books on adoption and asked everyone to sign the inside cover and blank pages. It was such a treat to have the judge and counsel and everyone who had spent the last few years working with these kids, sign their books. :) We brought them to the party the next day and put them on our welcome table for everyone to sign as well.

Attachment

Sitting in the sun with Robert snuggling in my arms.
Oh it felt so good! 

I have been on cloud nine lately after realizing just how far my little Robert has come over the last year. Many of you may have read the article I recently wrote for the Fostering the Future campaign, if not, you can read it Here.

During our recent camping trip I was enjoying a good conversation with my mother-in-law, and she commented on how far Robert has come. It got me thinking...

The Best Day!

On our way to the bus stop. 

I just had to share that I had the best morning with my little handsome boy!

The rest of the kids were at school and the house was quiet, Robert was content and it would have been tempting for me to work on my book or do another load of dishes....but with only a few hours until the kids got home I found myself on the living room floor in a fort with my little man. We were silly and read books and chased each other upstairs into the play room and served each other tea in little plastic cups. He even gave me a fork to stir my tea. :)

Snuggles!

Cuddles with my sweet boy after his bath. 

I have been hoping to write sooner on this but I was struggling with how to share my excitement with you. I have been digesting a lot of our changes recently. With the year coming to a close and as I was reflecting on a lot that has happened I wanted to share the joy in my heart with you!

My sweet boy has slowly been making big changes these last few months. All of the sudden I realized I was able to connect with Robert more without him rejecting my contact or going into a frustrated fit.

Here are a handful of some of the wonderful moments I have been blessed with:

*Cuddling after his bath (as pictured above) while I rock him in his chair until he is ready to be done. These are such special moments for me because I have rarely had the chance to cuddle with him while sitting still. He has shown interest before but would usually get easily overwhelmed almost in a panic and want down.

One Year Anniversary to my sweet boy!

Our youngest boy has officially been in our home (for the second time) one year as of yesterday. I picked him up from the hospital at 2 days old and we had him for a short two months. He came back into our family when he was 16 months old and has been with us ever since.

Celebrate!

Last night before bed I was having one of those long "what if" conversations with my two oldest daughters Laura and Mia.

What if our house catches on fire?

What if I have to call 91?

What if our dog dies and I miss her?

Home Sweet Home Part 3

I have to conclude that we found a house. Not the one I mentioned before but a house provided by the Lord none the less. We almost dismissed it because of the pictures online. It made it look smaller inside.

Last weekend we had two open houses to look at, one that I loved and one that my husband loved. We thought for sure we would pick one of these homes to put an offer on. As we pulled up to the first house we saw that nobody was there even though it was just minutes after they were supposed to open. I have a bad habit of being early but still, I expected them to be on time. Sadly they weren't and on the way we saw a sign for another open house so we decided to turn around and go check it out.

As soon as we pulled in front of the house I realized this was the one my agent sent me the pics to. Well, either way, it doesn't hurt to look. I ran inside while my husband sat in the car with the kids. This was our routine. With 5 kids little kids, house hunting can get a little crazy with having to find babysitters. So we would take turns going through the house.

Home Sweet Home Part 2

We got a second email asking if we were interested in the lot near by that we had an offer on before. The realtor was asking our realtor if we want to move forward, letting us know they were going to be picking out cabinets and colors soon and we might want to have input on it if we were going to make an offer. Wow, that would normally be such a temptation for me. To have a house that is brand new and I got to pick the details out is really an appealing offer. Why am I not running for it? Both my husband and I love the floor plan and the location. There is nothing wrong with the idea of moving there.

It must be leading from the Lord that we are not eager to take them up on their offer. We have our eye on a bank owned home. It needs new carpet through out almost the whole house and new paint inside and out. Why would we be drawn to this house? The bones and the space is everything we have prayed for. It has 3700 sq ft and an open floor plan and the bedroom space we need for our kids. Even our own realtor was surprised we wanted it over the other house after walking through.

Home Sweet Home Part 1

Last night my husband and I were laying in bed reflecting back on how we got to this point. Our house has a buyer and we will most likely move at the end of this month. We are planning to rent so we can search for the perfect house that fits our large family. We don't want to outgrow another house.

It all started with a post card we got in the mail about 6 months ago.  It doesn't happen often but we noticed a post card in our junk mail advertising a house for sale nearby. It was more than we thought we could afford but we fell in love with the pictures and just had to look inside. So we contacted our realtor and walked through. Oh and it was amazing. We knew we weren't ready to buy yet but started talking about our plan for the near future.   Eventually this house sold. But looking back on things this house got the process started for us.

Over the next few months we looked around at houses and started praying and talking about what we need to look for. We have kids with specific needs which will require a specific house.

Adoption Day!

I spent the morning in a daze. I thought I would be fine but I was an emotional zombie. I knew I was supposed to be running through the house getting everyone dressed, packing the diaper bag and boxing up the cupcakes but instead I sat at my desk watching the slideshow of our sweet boy over and over. Soaking up the words and the pictures.

Thankfully my husband stepped up and got almost everything ready as we were rushing to head out the door to the court house. I was blessed with emails, online posts and phone calls that I couldn't answer with sweet messages.

I cried tears of joy on this day. Jabar is loved by so many.

I could hardly believe this day was here. We made it to the court house on time, surrounded by our family members. It was better than I could have imagined. I have to say the Judge did an amazing job that day. She let the kids sit in her chair and really enjoy being in the court room. She had a selection of small toys they got to pick out and we had cupcakes to celebrate. This is one celebration I will never forget. God's piece to our puzzle was put in place this day.

Our love for Jabar has not changed, we have felt in our hearts he is our son for so long. But I am so happy it is offical! He is mine. I have spent the last year and a half being his foster mom with little rights to him. Now I am his Mother and he is my son. We get to say out loud what we have felt in our hearts. It feels great!!

One more week!

I can hardly believe that in one week we will go to court to finalize our adoption with our son! I can hardly find the words to share how excited I am. During this last year and a half I have been so eager for this day to come and even though we had him in our home I wanted desperately for it to be official.

I find now that I am still just as eager but with a different heart. Not so much to claim him as my own but with the joy of God's will being shown. Our family has been shaped in a way that I would have never dreamed but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I feel so blessed to have these 5 kids in my home to take care of. We keep going day by day and soon we will have Katie and Robert be official as well.

Praise God for this amazing life I have been blessed with. I am so thankful for a changed heart, one that is eager for His will and not my own.

Seeking God's will

I have had the joy of having one of our previous foster daughters come and stay with us for the past few days. We are thankful to still be in her life and as she nears adoption I try to guard my heart because I long for her to stay with us, we all do, but the details of her case are complicated as they always are. 

During breakfast today my husband and I were talking about our journey with this little girl. She has been in our lives for so long and we love her so much. I don't know what God has planned for her or for our family but I am eager to seek God's will. It was a worshipful conversation, one that we both opened our hearts and encouraged each other as we move ahead. We talked as we went through the house getting everyone ready for church. 

We got all four kids out the door and off to church. As I prepared for the sermon I realized that no matter what happens I have faith that God will provide and give both our family and our little foster daughter the best He has for us. God's plan is perfect for each of us. And even though I don't have the answers I can be thankful for what I can see now. 

I can praise God that I have a husband who seeks God and wants to live a life not out of the cookie cutter mold but more in the midst of God's beautiful plan. 

While singing praises this morning standing in the balcony of our church I smiled with joy for the amazing conversation at the breakfast table with my husband. God has given me a spouse who can walk with me and be encouraging as we prepare our hearts and watch God unfold life for this little girl. 

We had a powerful sermon and it brought a lot to my attention that I want to pray about as I try to see God's direction. One thing I know is that God tends to be loud and clear in the details. So that is my prayer today. 

Soaking up the moments.

Our kids helped set the table for dinner and I finished getting the last few items together. It was quiet today. We stayed at home and just played. No obligations and nothing really productive. We lived in the moment.

The last few dishes are now on the table and we all take a seat. This is of course after our kids shout,  "Sit by me! Sit by me!"

I look over and our son is reaching out his arms from his high chair so we can hold hands around the table and pray. Each child likes to take a turn talking to God. Even our little guy mumbled words under his breath.

If I had been rushing through the day and eager to get through dinner so we can run upstairs and do bath time I think I would have missed this moment. My heart and attitude would not have been in a place to see what a blessing it is to have our children begging to take a turn to talk to God.

Thank you God for reminding me to soak up the moments. They go by so fast and I know I miss so many when I run through life.

You knit me together in my Mother's womb.

On a drive with my husband we started talking about how far we had come as parents. We have two little girls who were both amazing in their own way. We were blessed to have loved a handful of foster kids and we are on our way to adopting our foster son. It was a reflective conversation about how much God had done to bring us to our little guy.  We have seen God's hand through the whole thing.

Then at one point it dawned on me. In the midst of all of our chatting I finally saw it. When God created our little boy and designed him in his Mother's womb it was always the plan for him to be our son. Just in the same way as He created each of our girls to be in our family. It may have taken a little longer to get to us and came with a bumpy road but it was God's plan. There is such joy in knowing that! I hold on to this thought as we finish the adoption process.

Psalm 139 is a wonderful reminder that we are each specifically designed and created. Thank you Lord.

Psalm 139:13-16
For you created my inmost being; 
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful, 
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.