The Only New Year's Resolution

I am a very reflective person at heart. So, you can imagine my excitement when the whole world joins me for a bit of insight on life.

I think most of us like the idea of new.  

However, debating on what to put on our list of goals can be a daunting task. There are the obvious; health related pursuits, splurges so we can enjoy life better, or education and job related goals.

Many of us pick an area of the house to purge from clutter with the hope of seeking the simple life, the frugal life, or the stress-free life. 

But here is the thing...

Celebrate!

Last night before bed I was having one of those long "what if" conversations with my two oldest daughters Laura and Mia.

What if our house catches on fire?

What if I have to call 91?

What if our dog dies and I miss her?

Crying out to God

I have to share a song with you that has touched my heart. It has such emotion in the lyrics. So often we can relate to this song when we are in the trenches and don't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

This is Need You Now (How Many Times) By Plumb.

Hope you enjoy....

I was under no obligation to promote this video...just wanted to share something that moved me.

Adoption Day!

I spent the morning in a daze. I thought I would be fine but I was an emotional zombie. I knew I was supposed to be running through the house getting everyone dressed, packing the diaper bag and boxing up the cupcakes but instead I sat at my desk watching the slideshow of our sweet boy over and over. Soaking up the words and the pictures.

Thankfully my husband stepped up and got almost everything ready as we were rushing to head out the door to the court house. I was blessed with emails, online posts and phone calls that I couldn't answer with sweet messages.

I cried tears of joy on this day. Jabar is loved by so many.

I could hardly believe this day was here. We made it to the court house on time, surrounded by our family members. It was better than I could have imagined. I have to say the Judge did an amazing job that day. She let the kids sit in her chair and really enjoy being in the court room. She had a selection of small toys they got to pick out and we had cupcakes to celebrate. This is one celebration I will never forget. God's piece to our puzzle was put in place this day.

Our love for Jabar has not changed, we have felt in our hearts he is our son for so long. But I am so happy it is offical! He is mine. I have spent the last year and a half being his foster mom with little rights to him. Now I am his Mother and he is my son. We get to say out loud what we have felt in our hearts. It feels great!!

One more week!

I can hardly believe that in one week we will go to court to finalize our adoption with our son! I can hardly find the words to share how excited I am. During this last year and a half I have been so eager for this day to come and even though we had him in our home I wanted desperately for it to be official.

I find now that I am still just as eager but with a different heart. Not so much to claim him as my own but with the joy of God's will being shown. Our family has been shaped in a way that I would have never dreamed but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I feel so blessed to have these 5 kids in my home to take care of. We keep going day by day and soon we will have Katie and Robert be official as well.

Praise God for this amazing life I have been blessed with. I am so thankful for a changed heart, one that is eager for His will and not my own.

Bonding through illness

Tonight our sweet one-year-old foster son woke up only an hour after I put him down for bed. All day today he had been chewing on things and sporting the ever-so-fun runny nose. I imagine he is teething or starting a cold. He is normally so wiggly and all over the place that we don't get to cuddle much. Although he seems to have a love for my husbands lap during a movie.

We have been hoping to adopt him along with his 2 year old sister who is in our home. I have been eager to bond with him since he only just started spending more time in our home while he is still in another foster home.

Cookie-Cutter Life?

God has been showing me that my dreams and plans for my life have been limited. I am sad to admit that I had longed for the cookie-cutter life. I wanted to live in the cookie-cutter house and have the cookie-cutter family and maybe I thought I should even live the cookie-cutter spiritual life.

As I finish writing my book I see that this idea of living in this cookie-cutter mentality isn't quite fitting with where I am heading. I have become fascinated with knowledge that living outside the shaped life can be so fulfilling and more adventurous than I ever thought.

Doing some research I stumbled upon a definition for cookie-cutter....marked by lack of originality or distinction.

I am blown away that I was once striving for that! Do I think that is all God wants for my life? Just to blend in with the world? The word "lack" really struck me. Why would God want me to lack anything? Why did I think that was appealing?

Over the last few years God has been taking me out of the life I thought I was supposed to have and I have seen that He has so much more for me. I am still amazed that it is often hard for me to let go of the little things I thought should be. As much as I have taken leaps in the right direction I still hold onto this thought that I know better than God.




Reference for definition found on http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cookie-cutter

5 Little Monkeys...Jumping on the bed

Oh where to begin? I have been putting off writing this post because I don't know where it will lead but the fact of the matter is, life is happening and I don't want to forget being in this place.

The nutshell: My husband and I are pursuing adoption of our previous foster daughter and her brother.  

The story:  We have watched adoptive families drop out of the race, back out last minute and even family resources change their mind after starting transitions. It breaks my heart to watch. She has been in a foster home with good friends of ours and we have been able to see her often. So much so, that she still calls us Mommy and Daddy.

When I grow up...

Drawing at the table with my 5 year old Daughter draws her best princess and tells me she wants to be a princess when she grows up. She has changed her mind from last week when she wanted to be a star.
Next she asks, "Mommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?" My first response is I am grown up. I am a Mommy. She isn't happy with my answer and keeps asking. I stumble as I try and think what I want to be...what do I hope for?

Why is it we think when we are set in a groove and living life that we don't have to dream anymore? We just accept where we are at and that is it? Don't we think God has more for us? I will always be a Mom but am I asking God how he can use me in other ways too?

I don't want to stop dreaming or settle for where I am now. God has amazing things for us. I hope that when I am old and grey that I still pray for God to use me and guide me and give me adventures that give Him glory.

Seeking God's will

I have had the joy of having one of our previous foster daughters come and stay with us for the past few days. We are thankful to still be in her life and as she nears adoption I try to guard my heart because I long for her to stay with us, we all do, but the details of her case are complicated as they always are. 

During breakfast today my husband and I were talking about our journey with this little girl. She has been in our lives for so long and we love her so much. I don't know what God has planned for her or for our family but I am eager to seek God's will. It was a worshipful conversation, one that we both opened our hearts and encouraged each other as we move ahead. We talked as we went through the house getting everyone ready for church. 

We got all four kids out the door and off to church. As I prepared for the sermon I realized that no matter what happens I have faith that God will provide and give both our family and our little foster daughter the best He has for us. God's plan is perfect for each of us. And even though I don't have the answers I can be thankful for what I can see now. 

I can praise God that I have a husband who seeks God and wants to live a life not out of the cookie cutter mold but more in the midst of God's beautiful plan. 

While singing praises this morning standing in the balcony of our church I smiled with joy for the amazing conversation at the breakfast table with my husband. God has given me a spouse who can walk with me and be encouraging as we prepare our hearts and watch God unfold life for this little girl. 

We had a powerful sermon and it brought a lot to my attention that I want to pray about as I try to see God's direction. One thing I know is that God tends to be loud and clear in the details. So that is my prayer today. 

Use me, Lord?

"God uses those who are inadequate so He can show what He can do." I recently came across these words on a day I needed to hear them.

I so often ask myself, who am I? What do I have to offer? How am I equipped to do that task?

Being a stay at home mom with kids I would often find myself telling people about my previous jobs along with being a mother in defense to their question, "What do you do?" But then I always leave the conversation wondering why I do that. Why do I feel like being a stay-at-home mom isn't enough in other people's eyes. Is that how I see it?

I started my young adult life with fulfilling many passions in life from working up the ladder in the business world, catering weddings, having my own massage therapy business, creating a website business, making and selling products, volunteering for good causes and working in ministry. God has blessed me with a love for many things and I am thankful for all the time I had to do them all.

However, many of those came from passion, hard work and training. Motherhood is on the job experience. There is no degree or license required. What value do I put in being a stay-at-home mom? What is my attitude about how I spend my time? I want to remember on those hard days at home that it is a blessing to get to raise my children and have these memories. I want to keep the attitude that I get to do all of those things that I did before and more with my kids. I get to plan menu's and teach them to cook, I get to teach them to read and take them on picnics and teach them to sew and paint. We have dance parties in the middle of the afternoon and plan surprises for their dad when he comes home from work. We get to feed ducks and play in the bath. I am so thankful I get to be their comfort when they get hurt and cuddle up when they are sad. I love to watch them play together some day they will grow up and not ask me to do a puzzle with them.

I have seen a handful of those inspirational quotes around online about all the things we get to do as moms. Here are just a few:

As a Mom I get to be; a teacher, a nurse, a photographer, a chef, a referee, and handyman, an event planner, a hairdresser, a spider killer, a house keeper, a fan at sporting events, a counselor, an explorer, and so much more!

I want to remind myself of the huge amount of opportunities I get and the responsibility I have to walk through life with my kids instead of focusing on the losses the world thinks I have from not working in the corporate world.

Lord, help me keep the right attitude about the life you have called me to have. Lord thank you for you blessings and allowing me to have this time with my children. It is the perfect life for me, I have so many passions in life and you have let me see that I have the best job of all. Being a Mom lets me do all of them over and over. Amen.

The right place at the right time

On a Saturday morning when the kids are all asleep I wake up early. I can't believe I am up this early!  Normally I wake up to kids in my face asking for breakfast and eager to start the day. I close my eyes tight praying I can go back to sleep. I need more sleep! Not going to happen.

I head downstairs quietly, if I am going to be up this early I welcome some quiet time. After doing my devotions and making some tea I curl up on the couch with my laptop. I check my email and then go online and end up chatting with a friend.  As we get caught up she shares a major trial she is going through. My whole attitude changes, I am up so early and have the time to talk with out the distractions of the kids. I am able to be there for my friend and offer comfort and help her digest her situation. I spend the rest of my day feeling guilty about my bad attitude.  God obviously had other plans for me early that morning. 

The Lord must be trying to drive this point home with me because just a week later I had a meeting to go to early in the morning on a Saturday. By my own choice I had stayed up late the night before and was not happy about heading out to my meeting. I spent my morning being frustrated that I had this obligation to attend instead of enjoying a waffle breakfast with my family before I left.

As I finished up at the meeting I asked a friend who also attended how she was doing. You know the typical, "how are you?" when you expect, the "oh I am just fine" answer. My friend was really struggling. She is also a foster parent and has been really having a hard time. She was feeling drained, overwhelmed, dealing with issues that she didn't see coming. I have been there. I knew her exhaustion.

We were able to chat and vent and talk about possible solutions. I left with a heavy heart for this dear friend. I am so glad I was there and could be a support to her. So often as foster parents, it is hard to have others who understand what we were going through. She told me that she felt so alone and was shocked but thankful that I could relate to her situation. What a blessing that God had me attend this meeting and have time to chat with her on a day when she was really hurting. 

On the drive home I was thinking about everything we talked about, hoping I left her with something useful. I was so thankful I could help her because of something I went through. However, I don't think I would have been a big help to her if I hadn't completely digested my own situation. If I was still mourning my trials and not in a place where I could see how God walked me through it all and used it for His glory.

The idea of this really grabbed my attention. When God provides us with people we can give comfort to because of our situations or past experiences we have to be careful about what we are portraying to them. If I was still hurt, frustrated and angry I would not be able to give her hope and encouragement. I would dump all of my negative baggage on her which then makes it about me and not her. I could have made her feel worse or direct her in to a place that isn't where God is. 

When we come to a place where we are living a life not tied down by the past hurt and anger we can be filled with hope even after the worst situations. We can know that we survived and made it through by the grace of God. Our hearts will be full of love and our attitude will show it. 

We will go through trials big and small in life.  We will hurt and have pain and people will let us down. We will feel alone and scared. Are those feelings we want to carry with us each day? Do we want to hold onto them and then reflect those feelings to others around us? I don't think that is our intent but often what we do. 

It is my prayer that we can be deliberate about asking God to take away our hurt and show us His glory so we can be a hope to others. I often listen to speakers that can talk about their own personal struggles, some of them have been through tragic loss and pain, in a way that doesn't bring you down with them. They have made it through and you can hear in their words that they have been able to step back from the situation and heal from it and it isn't taking over their life and thoughts each day. 

This is my prayer for myself and all of you. God does so much more for us and we could miss out on so much joy if we keep holding on to the loss in our life.

If we can’t learn to stay focused on the joy of the Lord with the small hurts in life then we will not be successful with the big hurts in life.

Lord, I pray that you will work in my heart. Lord help me not have a negative attitude about the small inconveniences in life but see them as opportunities to follow you and be a servant to others. Thank you for my trials, they have helped me grow and have helped me love others around me. Please God help us focus on Your will and the love that comes from having a joyful heart. Amen. 

Nourishment

After a stressful morning with appointments and children who weren't behaving I come home and eat lunch, trying to find every carb in the house and desperate for nap time to hurry and get here. After the kids are asleep I could crawl into bed with my laptop, look around on facebook and vent about my morning. I could enjoy a chocolate dessert and tell myself I deserve it after a morning like that. I have done this routine before and it doesn't have any benefit.

I could just as easily make the choice to have my usual healthy lunch and tuck my kids into bed and rest my body as well, both emotionally and physically. So often when our kids are having a rough time it is due to another need, stress, lack of sleep or food, anxiety, etc... We all need some time to quiet down and relax. Laying in bed I often escape online or in a book but rarely run to my Father.

I have to ask myself, "Did I start my day with devotions and prayer? Did I consult the Lord about my attitude and keep my focus that God gave me this day?"

On the days I choose to take some time for God I find that I am satisfied, filled with nourishment so I can help guide my kids through their day.

Lord,
Thank you for each and every day you give me on this earth. I pray that I will remember to turn to you in times of stress but more importantly that I will have a daily relationship with you so I am nourished in a way that worldly things can not satisfy.