The Fight of a Foster Parent

May is National Foster Care month, and this year I have the privilege of writing for the Adoption Advocate with the National Council For Adoption. You can find the full publication at the link below!

http://www.adoptioncouncil.org/publications/2018/05/adoption-advocate-no-119

It is been too long...

Wow.

It has been a long time since I have had a new post.

Life has been, well, hard. We have been going through some rough seasons and change.

So. Much. Change.

Our foster daughter who we raised since she was just three weeks old, moved out of our family after two and a half years of being in our family.
My husbands job changed, same place, new role.
Our life group came to an end, our church location will be moving this year, still waiting to see God unfold the details.
We started homeschooling all five of our kids this fall.

It is difficult to put it all into words sometimes. Honestly, so many times I wanted to post and felt like I needed to digest my reflections more before I did.

But this year is coming to a close and I hope to start writing on this platform more.
But don't forget to check out my column, Spilled Milk, in the Fostering Families Today magazine.

You can also like my Facebook page, What Led Me to You for more updates.

My husband and I have made some new family goals and we are eager to see what God will be doing  this next year.

Racial Mirrors: Who Do They See?

This topic has been on my heart lately. I wrote this piece for my column, Spilled Milk, in the Fostering Families Today magazine July/Aug 2016 issue. You can get your subscription HERE.

Racial Mirrors: Who do they see?

My five-year-old son was holding my hand as we walked down the sidewalk on the busy street so he could get his first big boy hair cut. I was determined to walk into that barber shop with confidence, because I knew that if I was going to show my son that he could embrace this part of who he is, I should to feel comfortable too. I think I was nervous about being judged as the white, adoptive, mom who hadn’t done this before. Aren’t we all, when we step into a new part of parenting? 

We first became a transracial family five-years ago, when our son came to us just before his first birthday, I immediately started learning about hair styles and skin care products. I started scanning the toy aisle for any African-American toys I could find for him. Books with diversity in their illustrations made their way into my shopping cart. I will never forget my excitement the year that I found a black angel for the top of our Christmas tree. I was eager to fill my house with items that my son could identify with, but I know even more now, that parenting a child of a different race involved so much more than that. 

Portland Mom's Blog: Opening Your Door and Your Heart to Foster Care

You can find my guest post below:

http://portland.citymomsblog.com/foster-care/open-your-heart-to-foster-care/

Book Review: From Carrie at Reading to Know

Last weekend I attended the Called to Love conference for foster and adoptive moms in Silverton, Oregon. It was a wonderful, reflective time away and I was blessed to have my book, What Led Me to You, at a table.

One lady chatted with me and we bonded over the fact that both of our names are Carrie! :) She bought my book and started reading it that night. She connected with me the next day because she realized we had a connection more than just our names. We had been through similar trauma.

After returning home from the weekend I got an email from this mama and she let me know that writes book reviews! Who knew? So she passed on this book review that is from her heart as she reflects on her own story and her response to What Led Me to You.

I have to say it brought me much joy knowing that God used our story and what we went through to touch this woman's life and help her share something that she had been holding onto all of these years. God is good. I am so passionate about connecting with other parents, and it is my hope that our story will help them feel less alone in their own journey. So it was such an honor to meet this sweet lady. :)

Here is her book review:
http://www.readingtoknow.com/2015/11/what-led-me-to-you-by-carrie-dahlin.html

Book Review: from Jessica Good at Adoption.com

Jessica Good, wrote a sincere book review for my book, What Led Me to You at Adoption.com. She really captured so much of what I was hoping would come across in the book and I am so honored that she took the time to share her heart with all of you!

You can find the full review here: http://adoption.com/a%3Fpost_type%3Darticles%26p%3D17499

To read more from Jessica, check out her blog: http://goodandgrowing.blogspot.com

My guest post on Not Alone

What an honor to be able to share an excerpt of my book with the Not Alone audience. 

You can find it here! 

http://specialneedsparenting.net/what-led-me-to-you/

Dahlin-07: Update for our family.

For a while you can call the kids, Dahlin-07. (My husband is proud of his play on 007) Almost two weeks ago we had two new foster kids join our family. Here is my attempt to share with you how God has called us to this place, as foster parents, once again. 

My husband and I had been praying about adopting again for quite some time. We put that on hold after we learned that our son had a bio sister that was born but after she didn't come to us, we decided to officially continue the adoption process.

In December of this last year, as part of our annual giving-back gift, we were told about two kids in foster care who could use some extra gifts. So we gave the gifts, and I ended up connecting with their foster mom afterward online. We became an online support to each other but that was about it. The kids we gave gifts to were African-American siblings, a four-year-old girl and a three-year-old boy. 

Adoption Celebration & Circus Party!

What a weekend it has been! On Friday we had our adoption finalization hearing. What a fun day! We celebrated with family and had cupcakes and apple cider and took a ton of pictures. We took a wonderful family photo with the judge. 

I have spent the last four and half years going in that court room and spent most of those years imagining our adoption ceremony in there. But when I walked in and set up with the kids in the front, sitting at the table, all I could think about was the fact that their birth parents sat in those very same chairs years ago when I sat in the back. I recounted a handful of hard court hearings and all of the waiting and ups and downs in the case. At times, I doubted we would ever get to this day. 

It worked out that my husband was off that day, as were the kids. So we woke up and everyone crawled into our bed and we took our time starting the day. We sang "Happy Adoption Day to you!"

As we made our way downstairs I began picking outfits to wear and getting everything together. 

Along with the pictures and cupcakes to celebrate I brought to the court house, two books. One for each child being adopted. We did this with my other son a few years ago at his adoption. We bought children's books on adoption and asked everyone to sign the inside cover and blank pages. It was such a treat to have the judge and counsel and everyone who had spent the last few years working with these kids, sign their books. :) We brought them to the party the next day and put them on our welcome table for everyone to sign as well.

Exciting Adoption News!

We FINALLY have a date set for next month to finalize our adoption for Katie and Robert!!! 

What?! I know...it is crazy exciting. 

I can't wait to make it official and have a big party to celebrate this long, brought-me-to-my-knees,  wonderful journey. They have been my kids for so long but to have it be finalized is such a wonderful thing to jump up and down about! 

As a gift to myself, or from my husband, how ever you want to see it :), I ordered this set as part of our celebration. I LOVE Willow Tree. My mother-in-law started buying me Willow Tree Christmas ornaments every year when I first got married. It has been a fun traditional gift that I just love!

Attachment

Sitting in the sun with Robert snuggling in my arms.
Oh it felt so good! 

I have been on cloud nine lately after realizing just how far my little Robert has come over the last year. Many of you may have read the article I recently wrote for the Fostering the Future campaign, if not, you can read it Here.

During our recent camping trip I was enjoying a good conversation with my mother-in-law, and she commented on how far Robert has come. It got me thinking...

Old journals, what a blessing!

Wow, reading through an old journal I started years before I had kids really took my breath away. God is amazing and I am so glad I wrote down my thoughts back then. What a blessing for me to see how perfect His timing is.

Back in 2005 just 2 years into being married my husband and I really started praying for God's will. We prayed the, popular at that time, prayer of Jabez.

Language vs. speech

I have been reflecting on Robert and his hearing loss/ deafness over the last few months. I have been feeling convicted that I needed to hurry up and make some decisions in regard to his language. For those of you that don't know, we got Robert when he was born, I brought him home from the hospital. In fact I was there when he failed his hearing test and again days later at the longer hearing test when they told me he was Deaf in his left ear and had hearing loss in his right ear.

Public: I wish you knew...

I get frustrated that I allow other people and their responses, looks, etc... dictate how I feel about my family. Why can't I can't just keep my eyes on the Lord and His will for my life?

I have been thinking a lot about why the comment, "You have your hands full" bothers me so much.

Simply...Mom

Sitting in the lobby at the dentist office I cross my legs to prop up the clipboard and fill out the never-ending pile of forms. I always feel pressure to get done before they call our name. I keep one eye on my three-year-old son James as he plays with the waiting room toys.  

5 Years

While I was unpacking and trying to get more settled in our new house I stumbled upon some old paintings I did years ago.

Then I saw this painting...

I remember the day I painted this.  I had never done a portrait before. They terrified me with the specific detail and proportions and they never turned out the way I hoped. But I was determined to make this work.

Adoption Day!

I spent the morning in a daze. I thought I would be fine but I was an emotional zombie. I knew I was supposed to be running through the house getting everyone dressed, packing the diaper bag and boxing up the cupcakes but instead I sat at my desk watching the slideshow of our sweet boy over and over. Soaking up the words and the pictures.

Thankfully my husband stepped up and got almost everything ready as we were rushing to head out the door to the court house. I was blessed with emails, online posts and phone calls that I couldn't answer with sweet messages.

I cried tears of joy on this day. Jabar is loved by so many.

I could hardly believe this day was here. We made it to the court house on time, surrounded by our family members. It was better than I could have imagined. I have to say the Judge did an amazing job that day. She let the kids sit in her chair and really enjoy being in the court room. She had a selection of small toys they got to pick out and we had cupcakes to celebrate. This is one celebration I will never forget. God's piece to our puzzle was put in place this day.

Our love for Jabar has not changed, we have felt in our hearts he is our son for so long. But I am so happy it is offical! He is mine. I have spent the last year and a half being his foster mom with little rights to him. Now I am his Mother and he is my son. We get to say out loud what we have felt in our hearts. It feels great!!

One more week!

I can hardly believe that in one week we will go to court to finalize our adoption with our son! I can hardly find the words to share how excited I am. During this last year and a half I have been so eager for this day to come and even though we had him in our home I wanted desperately for it to be official.

I find now that I am still just as eager but with a different heart. Not so much to claim him as my own but with the joy of God's will being shown. Our family has been shaped in a way that I would have never dreamed but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I feel so blessed to have these 5 kids in my home to take care of. We keep going day by day and soon we will have Katie and Robert be official as well.

Praise God for this amazing life I have been blessed with. I am so thankful for a changed heart, one that is eager for His will and not my own.

5 Little Monkeys...Jumping on the bed

Oh where to begin? I have been putting off writing this post because I don't know where it will lead but the fact of the matter is, life is happening and I don't want to forget being in this place.

The nutshell: My husband and I are pursuing adoption of our previous foster daughter and her brother.  

The story:  We have watched adoptive families drop out of the race, back out last minute and even family resources change their mind after starting transitions. It breaks my heart to watch. She has been in a foster home with good friends of ours and we have been able to see her often. So much so, that she still calls us Mommy and Daddy.

You knit me together in my Mother's womb.

On a drive with my husband we started talking about how far we had come as parents. We have two little girls who were both amazing in their own way. We were blessed to have loved a handful of foster kids and we are on our way to adopting our foster son. It was a reflective conversation about how much God had done to bring us to our little guy.  We have seen God's hand through the whole thing.

Then at one point it dawned on me. In the midst of all of our chatting I finally saw it. When God created our little boy and designed him in his Mother's womb it was always the plan for him to be our son. Just in the same way as He created each of our girls to be in our family. It may have taken a little longer to get to us and came with a bumpy road but it was God's plan. There is such joy in knowing that! I hold on to this thought as we finish the adoption process.

Psalm 139 is a wonderful reminder that we are each specifically designed and created. Thank you Lord.

Psalm 139:13-16
For you created my inmost being; 
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful, 
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.