Monday, October 13, 2014

What a difference a year makes!

After church yesterday, we went to the pumpkin patch with the kids. We had perfect weather. The fresh air felt so good, a little crisp, but not too cold. 

I was looking forward to this day for a while now but inside I was a little anxious about how it would go. Last year we had such a short and hard visit to this same place. Our youngest little guy was right in the thick of pushing me away and social outings were especially hard for him. 

What a difference a year can make. Last year at this time I was scared, exhausted, and I spent a lot of time trying to predict the future. I worried about every parenting decision I made, for fear that I was only adding to the problem and not fixing it. Attachment, or lack of it, had creeped into my home when I was unaware and unprepared. 

But on this day, we took our time visiting the "farm" and saw the chickens and horses and ponds covered in lily pads.  We were not rushed. We had no agenda. Robert would run up the hill and reach for my hand. The kids climbed on bales of hay, and I even found them laying down, relaxing, on the green grass.

Our family has been talking about living on a farm for quite a while now, and walking around this beautiful place only made us want it more. :) 


 I was so incredibly thankful to see my handsome boy explore the grounds and ask to hold my hand and be at such peace. What a difference a year makes. A year of therapy, bonding, hard work, consistency, grace, and prayer, all of which have brought my son and I to this day. 

These boys are the light of my life. I am so blessed to have two incredible, handsome, guys. Who love each other so much.

 Katie, smelling the flowers (and maybe picking one or two).

I can't wait to finalize our adoption for these two amazing kids, in just a few weeks!

Mia, was near tears a few times, she wants to live on a farm so bad. She talks about training horses and getting up early to get chicken eggs in the morning.  I think she would live outside if I let her. :)

 Here she is on our tractor ride. Wishing we had fields of corn. :)

We of course had to stop and enjoy some carmel apples and this year we tried an apple cider slushy!

I think the kids loved feeding the horses the most.

These were the best horses. One of them even rubbed his nose on my cheek. The kids didn't want to leave this part of the farm.

Katie picked up some hay that had fallen on the ground and cautiously fed one of the horses. 

Mia's words, "This is amazing! I have never fed a horse before!"

After seeing the animals, we made our way to the hay maze, tunnel slides and bouncy house. Before we left we picked out our pumpkins to take home. I had the most amazing day with my kids. No meltdowns, no raging fits, no rushing. 

Maybe last year it wasn't just Robert that was having a hard time, maybe my heart was just in turmoil, just as much. I know that I lived on edge, I worried, tried to predict, prevent and prepare. I didn't know how to parent a child that pushed me away. It wasn't until I let go and just parented in the moment that I calmed down. I let go of the fears that consumed my thoughts. I remembered that I just needed to love Robert as God loves me. You can read more about our journey to attachment HERE

Today wasn't about the kids having perfect behavior. Overstimulating days can cause tears no matter what age we are. But what I loved about this day was that I felt such joy knowing that we had come so far as a family. We had conquered some of those obstacles and as we get ready to go to that court house in a few weeks to celebrate our family, we will hold our heads high and hearts full, thanking God for His blessings. 

Here is one more picture to brighten your day. I know it made me smile! As we were leaving church earlier in the day, I saw Katie and Robert holding hands as we walked to our car. 

It completely melted my heart. 

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