Wednesday, January 1, 2014


Cuddles with my sweet boy after his bath. 

I have been hoping to write sooner on this but I was struggling with how to share my excitement with you. I have been digesting a lot of our changes recently. With the year coming to a close and as I was reflecting on a lot that has happened I wanted to share the joy in my heart with you!

My sweet boy has slowly been making big changes these last few months. All of the sudden I realized I was able to connect with Robert more without him rejecting my contact or going into a frustrated fit.

Here are a handful of some of the wonderful moments I have been blessed with:

*Cuddling after his bath (as pictured above) while I rock him in his chair until he is ready to be done. These are such special moments for me because I have rarely had the chance to cuddle with him while sitting still. He has shown interest before but would usually get easily overwhelmed almost in a panic and want down.

*When I buckle him in his carseat he asks for a handful of hugs. It delays our departure but I don't mind at all! It has become a fun little game with him.

*When I get him out of his crib in the morning he lifts his arms up and hugs me and doesn't instantly want down with a frustrated attitude.

*He says the best "I love you" and sometimes I even get kisses. Melts my heart.

*He is able to wait patiently at the table for food. Just this morning he sat at the table, in his usual spot, and watched my husband make french toast. I could hardly believe it. He was so eager for breakfast but was able to wait until it was ready.  Less than 6 months ago, meal time was a huge stress because he would follow us around crying and fussing for instant food. Sign language has been a huge help in the meal department.

*Robert would reject most meals simply because I asked him to take a bite. He would often not eat until everyone else left the table and he could be alone with his food. This can be a struggle still but has become a rare occurrence. I have been so grateful that we are able to eat together as a family and he is eating more of his food.

*He holds my hand as we walk to the bus stop or somewhere in public instead of keeping his usual distance. Sometimes I get to carry him on the way back and if I kiss his cheek he doesn't get upset.

*We are able to enjoy morning snuggles with a blanket on the couch. If I play with his hair or rub his back he doesn't push me away anymore.

These are such huge changes that have slowly snuck up on me. I am so grateful to see how much progress we have made. Not only has Robert made changes but I have as well.  My focus is to reassure him I am not going anywhere and he can't push me away. Before, I focused a lot on every little rejection and upset he would direct toward me.

I love him so much and I know he has had a lot of transitions at a young age. I think I was spending a lot of time this last year thinking he should get there faster and taking it personally when he would reject my affection. I didn't even realize I was feeling this way until we had a long stretch of hard days.

I am thankful I am able to step back and give him space but also continue to show him I adore him and will provide for his needs and not leave him. I am confident that God can do amazing healing with this situation. We continue counseling and therapy and still have hard moments but I praise God for these little blessings and insight to hold onto. They are reminders that we have come so far.

What a blessed way to end the year! I am eager to see more change this next year to come. I feel very blessed to be this sweet child's mother and with all of my heart I praise God for His never ending love.

Happy New Year!

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