The Littles

I just have to share one of the best photos I have taken of 2 of my kids. This will be an all time favorite. They are only 1 month a part in age. I just love the sweetness of this photo!

Taste or Waste Life?

I have been thinking about the idea that we all spend so much time looking to the future. We fantasize about what is ahead, the possibilities. Maybe it is a bigger house, a new job, someday having a child, the list could go on. Why do we spend so much time thinking about the stuff that isn't the here and the now? Is it a way to drowned out our life when it is too much to handle?

Whatever the reason is we are missing out. We are going through life wasting our days. I have learned that if we are always looking ahead we will never get there. We will never get to the point where we find joy in our days. We will not be satisfied.

It is a bad habit to have, never enjoying the now. We often don't realize we are doing it.

Today the littles were down for naps, my 4-year-old daughter was playing in the living room while I sat at the counter catching up on emails, making appointments, and filling up my days.

Mia, has a passion about cooking. Of any kind. It was a quiet day at home and she wanted to bake. I had no idea what was in the pantry but we had a look and found a gluten-free cookie mix, my favorite brand. Mia lit up with excitement about all the hard work we were about to do. :)

The TV was off, piano music playing through out the house. Oh and the peaceful smooth keys that played melted my heart. They helped me take a deep breath and smile as I hopped Mia onto the counter ready for baking. Watching her crack the egg into the bowl I wished I had my camera to remember the moment. She is such a dear to me. I can't wait to see if she ends up being a baker when she grows up. She loves every aspect of cooking. She loves to create!

Mixing our ingredients into the bowl and forming our cookies I thought about how glad I was that we were baking today. I could have put it off another day because of all of our obligations. I could have given her a movie to watch and she would have been content. But this day, we lived and breathed together and talked and I feel much more full of life than I would have if I kept at my work.

I crave life and when it gets to busy and mundane it might not be that I need to dream about what could be but count what blessings I have right here and now. I have enough, I have been given much and I adore my life. God will take care of the tomorrows to come.  He didn't create us to plan for the future and spend our days consumed with it. But rather He gave us mornings. Each morning we get to wake up and take on the day that is given. We get to spend it in so many different ways. What a gift that we get to create our living each day. Today I made cookies with Mia. There is so much joy in that. There is joy even in the days I hold my children when they are sick, or sad. I am being shaped even in the hard days when we struggle to be happy and let the weight of our stress get us down.

I think we have this mentality much like the new phrase on Pinterest, "pin now, read later." We have the mindset that we need to gather so much stuff like we are saving it for a rainy day. But we never stop. We never stop and live in the rainy days.

Today I find myself thinking about what life would be like if we slowed down, way down. As we look for a house I am tempted to make my husband happy and buy a house with a lot of land and let the kids play. Let them roam in an innocent environment. Grow our food in a big garden and spend our time soaking in the little things. The family moments. Away from the schedule, the busy life and the looking ahead. Who knows where God wants us but I do know that I don't need to wait until we buy our house I can do this idea right here, right now. Today I can make cookies and play. I can watch my daughter as she holds the warm cookies we just baked and takes her first bite and enjoy our time together. I can choose to be fully in the moment.

God really has given us an abundant of blessings. We often don't see most of them because our eyes are fixed ahead. It is my prayer today to watch out for the joy in today. And only tomorrow will I look for the joy that it will bring.

Home Sweet Home Part 2

We got a second email asking if we were interested in the lot near by that we had an offer on before. The realtor was asking our realtor if we want to move forward, letting us know they were going to be picking out cabinets and colors soon and we might want to have input on it if we were going to make an offer. Wow, that would normally be such a temptation for me. To have a house that is brand new and I got to pick the details out is really an appealing offer. Why am I not running for it? Both my husband and I love the floor plan and the location. There is nothing wrong with the idea of moving there.

It must be leading from the Lord that we are not eager to take them up on their offer. We have our eye on a bank owned home. It needs new carpet through out almost the whole house and new paint inside and out. Why would we be drawn to this house? The bones and the space is everything we have prayed for. It has 3700 sq ft and an open floor plan and the bedroom space we need for our kids. Even our own realtor was surprised we wanted it over the other house after walking through.

I found myself surprised that I am at a place in life when I wouldn't run for the brand new, the easy answer, the here and now option. How did I get to a place where I am fine waiting to see the complicated answer play out? It is a bank owned home, we were told we would have to make an even lower offer in order to qualify, we would have to paint and put money into carpet and there is the possibility the inspection will show more damage than we can see. Why am I so drawn to this house?

I was trying to think back to the moment I changed how I made my decisions. We have made a lot of big decisions waiting on the Lord in the last few years but I am still surprised that I handle these things differently than I used to.

Last year I very much wanted to go to school in the evenings for something I always wanted to do but didn't need to do for money, it could help but it would be a part time thing. Life had calmed down a bit at home, we had our three kids at the time and I was eager to find something that was mine. Something I did, I dreamt about it, researched it, and prayed of course. I got the support of my husband and family and everything would work out schedule and money wise. I almost paid a deposit for the program but then wanted to wait. I told them I would bring the application back later that week. I never went back. It was the first time I can remember where I could have had everything I wanted but I didn't feel like it was really what the Lord wanted me to do. It didn't make sense from the outside. Some could say that He provided it all to work out but I felt convicted and decided to walk away. If this would have happened years ago I would have just ran right into the program without looking back. I was sad about my decision but felt calm. I had no replacing want or direction but just felt like I needed to wait.

This was three months before we found out about Katie moving back in and decided to adopt her and her brother.

If I was in the program and the need for them to find a home, our home, I wouldn't have been able to make that choice. I couldn't have seen what was going to happen but I asked for direction from the Lord and I got it. No reason, no explanation but He put on my heart the right choice. Of course when Katie moved in it was a hard and prayerful choice to make to decide to adopt both her and her brother. But I do remember during that time my husband telling me that I didn't need to fear about the little things that if this was what God wanted He would provide for us the right house, the support and things we needed for our family.

So it is with that I can confidently say that if this bank owned house that fits our needs is the right house for us it will work out. God will hold it for us for when we are ready to make an offer. It is complicated and people from the outside looking in have warned us about the possibilities of it not working out and how hard the road may be. Yes, I am aware that this may not be God's will for our family but we will pursue it, and not walk away, until the door is closed. We adore this house but if it is not for us we will be eager to see what else God has in store for us.

Thinking about how I make my decisions now verses when I used to make them I can really see a difference. I have always struggled with my decision making in the past, questioning my outcome and wondering who's will I had in mine. What joy I have now knowing that I am able to say with confidence that I am waiting on the Lord and letting Him lead me.

God knows the desires on my heart but his answer is always way more creative than I could have found on my own. What would have happened if I went into that program and we didn't adopt these kids, yes I am sure my life would have been fine, but I would have missed out on some amazing moments, my life is full and I am happy and love each my children.

I can't wait to be able to say "God provided this home for us," with all of my heart. He knows the exact home for our family. We want His will and not our own.

We of course have the pleasure of seeing God provide the perfect place for us to rent while we wait. It wasn't an option to rent an apartment in our daughter's school district, there were hardly any available. The houses for rent all had a, very large, one year lease added to them. We knew we would would move before then. So we found a town home to rent outside of her school district and I was planning to drive her every day so she could finish the year at her school. But then we had the pressure of being settled in our new house before the new school year started. We had less than a month to be out of our current home when the sale was final and we decided to check again. We called a handful of places, only one returned my call. We are now able to rent a home very close to our daughter's school and with out a year lease! With no lease really, we have been open about our situation and even still were able to reach an agreement with our new landlord. God has opened doors in His perfect timing. Because we have this place and there is no pressure on time to move out, we will already be in the right school district, we can wait on this bank owned house and let it play out. We don't have to settle and take the easy option.

Praise God for His direction. I am more content through this process than I could ever be if I was trying to figure this out on my own.

We feel like we have been tempted to take a different direction. Not only with this new house we could have close by but we have struggled with knowing which city to stay in. We have a nearby city we have ties to and miss living out there. We were approached by a friend saying an old house we used to rent out there is available. It wouldn't be our own home but we could rent for a cheaper rent and use the opportunity to pay off college debt and then be able to afford a house in that neighborhood. All of my friends are out there and I have, over the last 2 years, moaned and groaned over the fact that I miss my active life out there. I have secretly, well maybe not so secret to my husband, begged to move back out there. And here we are now with the possibility of going back to the life I have missed and I don't feel it in my heart. It has been what I have hoped for and now I don't know that I want it.

God is directing me and I am so excited to see what He provides because it will be more fulfilling than just my own hopes and dreams. He knows the hopes I have for our family and He will give them to us in His perfect time.

So, here I wait on this adventure. Wait for direction, our next move. The waiting is hard but keeping our eye on the goal helps. We want God to provide the perfect home for our kids, we have specific needs for our next home and we know He will provide!

Home Sweet Home Part 1

Last night my husband and I were laying in bed reflecting back on how we got to this point. Our house has a buyer and we will most likely move at the end of this month. We are planning to rent so we can search for the perfect house that fits our large family. We don't want to outgrow another house.

It all started with a post card we got in the mail about 6 months ago.  It doesn't happen often but we noticed a post card in our junk mail advertising a house for sale nearby. It was more than we thought we could afford but we fell in love with the pictures and just had to look inside. So we contacted our realtor and walked through. Oh and it was amazing. We knew we weren't ready to buy yet but started talking about our plan for the near future.   Eventually this house sold. But looking back on things this house got the process started for us.

Over the next few months we looked around at houses and started praying and talking about what we need to look for. We have kids with specific needs which will require a specific house.

We found another dream home. We obsessed over the pictures online and after we couldn't take it anymore we walked through. Oh it was amazing. This house prompted us to start talking to a lender and see exactly what we would qualify for and what our timeline was. Just as we figured everything out this house had another offer. :(  But as we reflect this house got us to find out our lender information and get our numbers in order. We weren't exactly ready to buy but we knew of a few loose ends we needed to clear up and we would then continue to shop around.

It is hard to look at houses of course and not be ready to buy. We found another house close by that wasn't built yet. But the floor plans were more than we could have hoped for. We had learned from the previous houses that they weren't exactly what we needed. They were amazing but we have more specific needs for long term. We were thankful that God shut those doors and now we could pursue this new house. We made an offer on this new house that was to be built but with a very close counter offer we had to say no to some of their requests that were too risky for us. It was hard to do because we loved this floor plan and the idea of being able to pick out the interior was very appealing. We realized with this house that it is too hard to make an offer contingent on selling our house. So we decided to put our energy into selling our home first knowing we might have to rent if we didn't find a house right away.

We make the bold move and get our house ready for the market. It took less than one month busy with house showings for us to get great offer. People thought we were crazy for selling our house before we knew which house we wanted to buy. It has been so clear with each step that God has been guiding us through this process. Our hearts are eager for God's direction.

So here we are with our house near closing. God has provided the exact amount from our house that we need for a handful of moving needs.  We have researched a place to rent and found the best option available to us. We would have some sacrifices but we were willing to move to this new place. It is only temporary and even though it is out of our daughter's school district we were able to keep her where she is if I drive her every day.

While we prepare to move into a rental town home we have our eye on a different house. And I know I have said this with every house before but this house is amazing. It is a large bank owned home and so far it fits our needs perfectly. It has an open floor plan which we want for our son who is deaf/hard of hearing. It has enough bedrooms for our children which is a big need since we have some children who have sleeping issues and need their own space, one of the main reasons we started looking for a new home. We would not out grow this house and it is in the school district we are currently in and hope to stay in. Only because it is bank owned it is  now in our price range. It does need from what we have seen new carpet and new paint, everywhere. But those things don't worry me, they are cosmetic.

Of course we recently asked our realtor if we could walk through. We fell in love even more. This house just fits us, it fits our family. I am still praying for God's will. That night after seeing the house in person we found out from our lender that because the taxes are so high on this house it is out of our price range. We would have to offer a much lower amount which isn't typically expected to go through.

So after reflecting on all of this my husband and I see that God has provided what we need up until this point. We are madly in love with possible house and still hope to buy it so we can provide more space for our children, but first we seek God's will. We take comfort in knowing that He already knows which house we will get and when we will get it. I think it is because we have seen him provide so much for us before in this journey of foster care and giving us what we need in His perfect timing that we can be confident and wait. Right now we are not able to make an offer, we have some money coming soon for our down payment and we have to wait 2 months before we can make a move. This house has been on the market for a long time and even though it is hard to sit and wait we know that nothing is going to happen with out God allowing it to happen. If is is meant to be our home it will be waiting for us.

I know if this house falls through that it is because there is a better one for us. God knows our needs more than we do.

So here I sit and wait and dream of where we will be. I am thankful for our first home He provided.  It is hard to say good bye to this home we have put our lives in, our memories, but it is just a house and our home will be where ever we go.