Saturday, January 12, 2013

Home Sweet Home Part 2

We got a second email asking if we were interested in the lot near by that we had an offer on before. The realtor was asking our realtor if we want to move forward, letting us know they were going to be picking out cabinets and colors soon and we might want to have input on it if we were going to make an offer. Wow, that would normally be such a temptation for me. To have a house that is brand new and I got to pick the details out is really an appealing offer. Why am I not running for it? Both my husband and I love the floor plan and the location. There is nothing wrong with the idea of moving there.

It must be leading from the Lord that we are not eager to take them up on their offer. We have our eye on a bank owned home. It needs new carpet through out almost the whole house and new paint inside and out. Why would we be drawn to this house? The bones and the space is everything we have prayed for. It has 3700 sq ft and an open floor plan and the bedroom space we need for our kids. Even our own realtor was surprised we wanted it over the other house after walking through.

I found myself surprised that I am at a place in life when I wouldn't run for the brand new, the easy answer, the here and now option. How did I get to a place where I am fine waiting to see the complicated answer play out? It is a bank owned home, we were told we would have to make an even lower offer in order to qualify, we would have to paint and put money into carpet and there is the possibility the inspection will show more damage than we can see. Why am I so drawn to this house?

I was trying to think back to the moment I changed how I made my decisions. We have made a lot of big decisions waiting on the Lord in the last few years but I am still surprised that I handle these things differently than I used to.

Last year I very much wanted to go to school in the evenings for something I always wanted to do but didn't need to do for money, it could help but it would be a part time thing. Life had calmed down a bit at home, we had our three kids at the time and I was eager to find something that was mine. Something I did, I dreamt about it, researched it, and prayed of course. I got the support of my husband and family and everything would work out schedule and money wise. I almost paid a deposit for the program but then wanted to wait. I told them I would bring the application back later that week. I never went back. It was the first time I can remember where I could have had everything I wanted but I didn't feel like it was really what the Lord wanted me to do. It didn't make sense from the outside. Some could say that He provided it all to work out but I felt convicted and decided to walk away. If this would have happened years ago I would have just ran right into the program without looking back. I was sad about my decision but felt calm. I had no replacing want or direction but just felt like I needed to wait.

This was three months before we found out about Katie moving back in and decided to adopt her and her brother.

If I was in the program and the need for them to find a home, our home, I wouldn't have been able to make that choice. I couldn't have seen what was going to happen but I asked for direction from the Lord and I got it. No reason, no explanation but He put on my heart the right choice. Of course when Katie moved in it was a hard and prayerful choice to make to decide to adopt both her and her brother. But I do remember during that time my husband telling me that I didn't need to fear about the little things that if this was what God wanted He would provide for us the right house, the support and things we needed for our family.

So it is with that I can confidently say that if this bank owned house that fits our needs is the right house for us it will work out. God will hold it for us for when we are ready to make an offer. It is complicated and people from the outside looking in have warned us about the possibilities of it not working out and how hard the road may be. Yes, I am aware that this may not be God's will for our family but we will pursue it, and not walk away, until the door is closed. We adore this house but if it is not for us we will be eager to see what else God has in store for us.

Thinking about how I make my decisions now verses when I used to make them I can really see a difference. I have always struggled with my decision making in the past, questioning my outcome and wondering who's will I had in mine. What joy I have now knowing that I am able to say with confidence that I am waiting on the Lord and letting Him lead me.

God knows the desires on my heart but his answer is always way more creative than I could have found on my own. What would have happened if I went into that program and we didn't adopt these kids, yes I am sure my life would have been fine, but I would have missed out on some amazing moments, my life is full and I am happy and love each my children.

I can't wait to be able to say "God provided this home for us," with all of my heart. He knows the exact home for our family. We want His will and not our own.

We of course have the pleasure of seeing God provide the perfect place for us to rent while we wait. It wasn't an option to rent an apartment in our daughter's school district, there were hardly any available. The houses for rent all had a, very large, one year lease added to them. We knew we would would move before then. So we found a town home to rent outside of her school district and I was planning to drive her every day so she could finish the year at her school. But then we had the pressure of being settled in our new house before the new school year started. We had less than a month to be out of our current home when the sale was final and we decided to check again. We called a handful of places, only one returned my call. We are now able to rent a home very close to our daughter's school and with out a year lease! With no lease really, we have been open about our situation and even still were able to reach an agreement with our new landlord. God has opened doors in His perfect timing. Because we have this place and there is no pressure on time to move out, we will already be in the right school district, we can wait on this bank owned house and let it play out. We don't have to settle and take the easy option.

Praise God for His direction. I am more content through this process than I could ever be if I was trying to figure this out on my own.

We feel like we have been tempted to take a different direction. Not only with this new house we could have close by but we have struggled with knowing which city to stay in. We have a nearby city we have ties to and miss living out there. We were approached by a friend saying an old house we used to rent out there is available. It wouldn't be our own home but we could rent for a cheaper rent and use the opportunity to pay off college debt and then be able to afford a house in that neighborhood. All of my friends are out there and I have, over the last 2 years, moaned and groaned over the fact that I miss my active life out there. I have secretly, well maybe not so secret to my husband, begged to move back out there. And here we are now with the possibility of going back to the life I have missed and I don't feel it in my heart. It has been what I have hoped for and now I don't know that I want it.

God is directing me and I am so excited to see what He provides because it will be more fulfilling than just my own hopes and dreams. He knows the hopes I have for our family and He will give them to us in His perfect time.

So, here I wait on this adventure. Wait for direction, our next move. The waiting is hard but keeping our eye on the goal helps. We want God to provide the perfect home for our kids, we have specific needs for our next home and we know He will provide!

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