Not too long ago we went out to dinner with all of the kids to celebrate some good news. It was an old fashioned burger place with picnic tables outside. Perfect for our large group, we used all three of their high chairs and put them at the ends of the table. :)
We were eating dinner kind of early and it was pretty quiet outside. Then this woman came and sat down at a table close to us with three teenage girls. From the moment she laid eyes on us she had a look of disgust on her face. She wasn't hiding it either.
Now I am normally really open to people who are curious about our family. I don't mind the occasional question or comment. I get am used to people looking and trying to figure out if they are all ours or what we are doing with these five kids so young.
This lady was not this typical person. She was obviously staring with a scowl on her face and allowing her daughters to "playfully" make faces at my kids. I was getting irritated and uncomfortable but tried really hard to enjoy our night out as a family. At one point the woman couldn't help herself and said, "You sure have your hands full." I replied with a smile and said, "Yes, I do...full of good things."
She wasn't happy with my response, it didn't satisfy her. She asked if our girls were twins I let her know that they are not but close in age. Again I was trying to avoid her very obvious stares and focus only at our table.
Moments like this are hard because I am tempted to start stressing about what her problem was. I shouldn't even concern myself but I started worrying about my kids' behavior...the funny thing was everyone was happy. We had a wonderful dinner, everyone ate and did great with no meltdowns.
As she walked by to throw things in the garbage she turned her head and glared at our kids. We minded our own business....I was very tempted to make an issue out of it but we were celebrating and I didn't want to draw attention in front of the kids.
There will be moments like this again. It is frustrating and am sure I let it bother me too much. Later that night I was still stewing about the whole thing. But as I prayed about what had happened I realized that I am setting an example for my kids. I can teach them to choose to fight every battle and let other people make them angry or I can teach them that we can't control how other people feel but I do have control over how I feel and live my life.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Keeping Perspective
Sitting at my dining room table with Katie's Early Intervention team we discussed her file and made new goals for the next 6 months. Her speech pathologist and physical therapist went over each category and we discussed how she had improved and talked about areas of struggle.
My husband took the other kids to the park so we could sit and go over all the paperwork. I was able to enjoy a cup of tea and have adult conversation, which is always welcomed. As I shared some of our struggles involving food and eating I was encouraged by what I heard. Katie has special needs, some of the source is still unclear. Either way she does not swallow as she should and eating can be a problem.
It is easy for me to get frustrated about her rejecting meals as we sit at the table for dinner night after night. I am well aware of her struggles but I think I forget to look at it from an objective point of view. She isn't just rejecting food like a typical two year old would. She hasn't learned how to chomp down on certain foods. So even hearing the therapist mention something as simple as "mechanical soft" when she refers to her dietary needs, jerks a response from me. Of course! I knew she did better with softer foods, such as pasta, mashed potatoes, applesauce, etc...but when I put a label on it I was able to really get the correct perspective. I was encouraged to give Katie a few bites of a new texture of food but not overwhelm her and keep her meal mostly mechanical soft.
I used to work in an assisted living facility in the kitchen so that type of language is nothing new to me but I hadn't connected it specifically to Katie. Her speech Pathologist is a wonderful woman and a wealth of information. I am so appreciative for her perspective, even when something as simple as giving me a label to remember about her dietary needs.
Through out our meeting both of Katie's therapist's were encouraged to see how well she was doing in some areas and ready to tackle the struggles. When we were talking about what we were working on another reminder really stuck with me after they left. A special needs child typically needs to be taught something 200 times before they would get it but Katie needs to be taught 1500 times to learn something. I know this might sound awful to someone but even though it is just a vague description to give an idea about where she is at, it really did help. I need to keep this perspective so I don't lose hope. It is easy to get frustrated when repeating the same thing over and over, day after day. But I was so excited by this idea that at some point she will catch on, it may not be at the age we typically think she should but she will get there.
I am so thankful for this team who comes into my home and works with Katie, and our other two boys for that matter. We go about our days and work on our therapies between visits but it is so easy to get bogged down with the trials. I don't know why this meeting more than others left me with such hope. I think I just was thankful to be reminded I shouldn't put my own expectations on Katie but rather work with where she is at and not get upset if she is stuck in a struggle longer than she should be.
My husband took the other kids to the park so we could sit and go over all the paperwork. I was able to enjoy a cup of tea and have adult conversation, which is always welcomed. As I shared some of our struggles involving food and eating I was encouraged by what I heard. Katie has special needs, some of the source is still unclear. Either way she does not swallow as she should and eating can be a problem.
It is easy for me to get frustrated about her rejecting meals as we sit at the table for dinner night after night. I am well aware of her struggles but I think I forget to look at it from an objective point of view. She isn't just rejecting food like a typical two year old would. She hasn't learned how to chomp down on certain foods. So even hearing the therapist mention something as simple as "mechanical soft" when she refers to her dietary needs, jerks a response from me. Of course! I knew she did better with softer foods, such as pasta, mashed potatoes, applesauce, etc...but when I put a label on it I was able to really get the correct perspective. I was encouraged to give Katie a few bites of a new texture of food but not overwhelm her and keep her meal mostly mechanical soft.
I used to work in an assisted living facility in the kitchen so that type of language is nothing new to me but I hadn't connected it specifically to Katie. Her speech Pathologist is a wonderful woman and a wealth of information. I am so appreciative for her perspective, even when something as simple as giving me a label to remember about her dietary needs.
Through out our meeting both of Katie's therapist's were encouraged to see how well she was doing in some areas and ready to tackle the struggles. When we were talking about what we were working on another reminder really stuck with me after they left. A special needs child typically needs to be taught something 200 times before they would get it but Katie needs to be taught 1500 times to learn something. I know this might sound awful to someone but even though it is just a vague description to give an idea about where she is at, it really did help. I need to keep this perspective so I don't lose hope. It is easy to get frustrated when repeating the same thing over and over, day after day. But I was so excited by this idea that at some point she will catch on, it may not be at the age we typically think she should but she will get there.
I am so thankful for this team who comes into my home and works with Katie, and our other two boys for that matter. We go about our days and work on our therapies between visits but it is so easy to get bogged down with the trials. I don't know why this meeting more than others left me with such hope. I think I just was thankful to be reminded I shouldn't put my own expectations on Katie but rather work with where she is at and not get upset if she is stuck in a struggle longer than she should be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)