5 Little Monkeys...Jumping on the bed

Oh where to begin? I have been putting off writing this post because I don't know where it will lead but the fact of the matter is, life is happening and I don't want to forget being in this place.

The nutshell: My husband and I are pursuing adoption of our previous foster daughter and her brother.  

The story:  We have watched adoptive families drop out of the race, back out last minute and even family resources change their mind after starting transitions. It breaks my heart to watch. She has been in a foster home with good friends of ours and we have been able to see her often. So much so, that she still calls us Mommy and Daddy.

So with each failed adoptive placement we prayed. We prayed for her needs and for God to provide the best family for her. She has many needs, which we have seen first hand, but she is a child of God who deserves to be loved and cherished and cared for. Her sweet little brother is a doll and we had him with us for a while after he was born. In fact I was there at his birth, hours after he was born and then took him home 2 days later. 

So here we are now praying for these kids and find ourselves being asked if we want to adopt them and  little did their case worker know we had been praying about these kids and asking ourselves that very question. Not only are we asking God for his direction, we now are in a place where she is back in our home as our foster daughter. We are aware of the reality that there could be another family for both her and her brother and we will go through the heartache... again. My husband and I know full well that it will be rough but we couldn't let her go into a new home, with someone she didn't know. It was an easy transition for everyone and she has been able to stay connected to her brother who is in a different foster home while his case resolves. 

My husband and I pray, talk and ask questions. There is so much to talk about, think about. We were limited in who we shared this with, a habit of mine is to bounce my ideas off everyone, but we really wanted to hear God's desire and not be clouded by others. 

There is so much to this story that it is hard to share in a way it all makes sense. Over the last 8 months our marriage has done a 180. We have completely put God first in our marriage more than we ever understood before. We have changed so many habits and desire to live in a way that brings glory to God. We have seen God in the small details and have asked that He show his direction so we can see it clearly. 

What it boils down to is this:

We are responsible to God for how we raise our children and the choices we make. It is our desire that to be family focused and teach our children about living a life for Christ and remember that this life is not the end, this life is not our own, it is for God that we should live. These two little kids seem to keep coming back into our lives, well maybe they never really left. We can not recommend a family that maybe has a better car or house or material things but doesn't teach them about the wonderful life of living for Christ. We cannot answer to God that we were scared of losing comforts in life because we were unwilling to raise these children as our own and scared to have a large family. We have decided that if it is Gods will for them to be in our home that He will provide for all of our needs, not just the money and the house and the getting by but emotionally and spiritually He will be there. 

So as I realize it feels good to get this out, I am comforted knowing that no matter what happens with these two precious children, God knows we want what is best for them and our family. I think the thing is, is that we have realized that what is best for our family is not what we thought it once to be. It isn't living life for the next TV show and the payday or vacation. We are no longer wanting to live the "cookie cutter" life and dwell on the little pleasures. We pray God will use us in this life and we will be his servants. 

Our children and their needs come first. We have seen God work loud and clear in our lives and we are waiting for His direction. It is a new place to be for me. I really do trust that God will have the perfect plan for us and these kids. 

My husband has been a rock through this whole thing. I have been honored to be his wife. As I have bounced every question and possible worry into his hands he has been strong and calm and supportive. I have enjoyed this process of seeking God together. Praise God I have a husband who wants to do God's will and life a full life for Christ. 

Now we wait, we pray, we talk and enjoy each day with the kids we have right now and the moments we have with each other. 

When I grow up...

Drawing at the table with my 5 year old Daughter draws her best princess and tells me she wants to be a princess when she grows up. She has changed her mind from last week when she wanted to be a star.
Next she asks, "Mommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?" My first response is I am grown up. I am a Mommy. She isn't happy with my answer and keeps asking. I stumble as I try and think what I want to be...what do I hope for?

Why is it we think when we are set in a groove and living life that we don't have to dream anymore? We just accept where we are at and that is it? Don't we think God has more for us? I will always be a Mom but am I asking God how he can use me in other ways too?

I don't want to stop dreaming or settle for where I am now. God has amazing things for us. I hope that when I am old and grey that I still pray for God to use me and guide me and give me adventures that give Him glory.

Seeking God's will

I have had the joy of having one of our previous foster daughters come and stay with us for the past few days. We are thankful to still be in her life and as she nears adoption I try to guard my heart because I long for her to stay with us, we all do, but the details of her case are complicated as they always are. 

During breakfast today my husband and I were talking about our journey with this little girl. She has been in our lives for so long and we love her so much. I don't know what God has planned for her or for our family but I am eager to seek God's will. It was a worshipful conversation, one that we both opened our hearts and encouraged each other as we move ahead. We talked as we went through the house getting everyone ready for church. 

We got all four kids out the door and off to church. As I prepared for the sermon I realized that no matter what happens I have faith that God will provide and give both our family and our little foster daughter the best He has for us. God's plan is perfect for each of us. And even though I don't have the answers I can be thankful for what I can see now. 

I can praise God that I have a husband who seeks God and wants to live a life not out of the cookie cutter mold but more in the midst of God's beautiful plan. 

While singing praises this morning standing in the balcony of our church I smiled with joy for the amazing conversation at the breakfast table with my husband. God has given me a spouse who can walk with me and be encouraging as we prepare our hearts and watch God unfold life for this little girl. 

We had a powerful sermon and it brought a lot to my attention that I want to pray about as I try to see God's direction. One thing I know is that God tends to be loud and clear in the details. So that is my prayer today.